Thursday, June 24, 2010

Okay guys, funny story.

So I just ate my dinner (Stew. Nasty shitty ass stew with a few scraps of meat in it but 95% radish by mass. I feel like I'm in a bad prison movie, being served slop at a cafeteria.), and I was eating with these two girls in my dorm, the only two people living here who tend to talk to me at all. Their English is negligible, but they don't seem to hold my skin colour against me too much, which is nice. Well actually I was eating, they were just drinking tea. I always eat my dinner after 10, because I eat a meal when I get home from work, to maximize my caloric intake. They often drink tea at this time.

So anyway I'm eating my very large heaping helping of rice (its unlimited and 250 calories per cup, so I load up), its tasteless and uninviting, but I shovel it down in whopping chopstick loads anyway. So I say to myself in Japanese (my brain is in Japanese mode at this time): "When I get back to Canada, I'm never going to eat rice again."

Well this prompts a response from Ami: "You don't like rice?"

"I like rice fine, I eat it in Canada all the time, but not 2 times a day, every day."

"You don't eat rice for dinner?" Ami asks.

"Nope, not usually."

"Eeeeeyyyyhhhhhh?!?!?!" Out comes the Japanese tone of utter disbelief and shock, "Then what do you eat?"

At this point I start to laugh my ass off. Seriously? This is like an American thinking everyone eats quarter pounders with cheese for dinner every day. Not even an American thinks that, because they have Chinese food places even in the deep south and they can usually guess that Chinese people must eat a lot of fucking Sweet and Sour Chicken Balls. Her look of disbelief completely blows my mind and I laugh until I realize I'm probably offending her.

"Sorry, thats just funny Ami," I say, mostly recovered, "Do they have rice at McDonalds? Because everything they have there, thats what we eat." A complete lie and ridiculous generalization, but it gets my point across.

"Bread? Do you eat bread then for dinner?" Ami asks, interested now.

"Bread? No, well, maybe. I don't really see bread as a fixture in western dinners." Now that I think about that, I have no idea how to say fixture in Japanese, maybe I just said fixture, I dunno. "We have pasta, vegetables, potatoes, sometimes bread, sometimes rice noodles."

I was at a loss at this point, I was trying to picture my usual dinner that I make myself and I was failing miserably. I couldn't think of anything but rice, and it scared me to death. I've been here way too long.

"We eat meat, Ami." I explain, this time with feeling, "We eat a hell of a lot more meat than you guys do. Chicken, pork, beef, lamb, fish, seafood, bacon wrapped steak, bacon wrapped seafood, bacon wrapped bacon." By this point I had definitely switched into English.

My only source of real(ish) bacon in this country is going to McDonalds and ordering a McMuffin or McGriddle with bacon. Everything else is unsalted or uncured or rice. I'm going on Saturday morning, thats a promise.

Bacon.

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